she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
