so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
