In the future we'll all be gay
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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