I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
