it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
