Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
