You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
