Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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