It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
