shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
