wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
