I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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