just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
