I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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