dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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