seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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