I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
