I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
