Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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