so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
