Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
