ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
