this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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