Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
