I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
