clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize