Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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