Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
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