Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
