It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
