i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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