your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
