Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
