you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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