I just pynch a tree in the face
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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