he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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