He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have surprise drugs for everyone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
