Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
