Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize