if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
