I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did I show you my penis last night?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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