i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
