at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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