there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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