So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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