I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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