the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
