i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Randomize
