I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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