Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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