you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
