life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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