she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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