the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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