just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize