would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
