I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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