You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
