The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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