That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
