i jhust puked up my retainher.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
