Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
