dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
