the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
