ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
