i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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