You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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