I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize