Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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