For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
