I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
