He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
