You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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