I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize